Lawrence Baron

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO―The Affordable Health Care Act mandates that vending machines indicate the number of calories next to each of its products.  Since research indicates that many people ignore such information, Health and Human Services is considering posting a photograph of Chris Christie on the containers for high caloric snacks and sodas. *

By Laurie Baron NORTH POLE― Unbeknownst to the public, this Christmas was Santa’s last.  The rotund elderly man realizes he can no longer compete with modern technology and world capitalism. He is eager to slow down and collect Social Security and Medicare.  The reindeer and sleigh are quaint, but way too slow and small compared

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO―Al Qaeda issued an apology for attacking a hospital in Yemen which it erroneously thought was the country’s defense ministry.  Its spokesman explained that under the organization’s Osama Care policy, it guarantees medical treatment to anyone who manages to survive bombings carried out by its members. * Hackers compromised the credit

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO―President Obama appointed the American delegation to the Winter Olympics.  To protest Russia’s laws against homosexuals, he included the openly gay tennis champion Billie Jean King and two-time women’s hockey medalist Caitlin Cahow in its ranks.  To add insult to injury, he has recruited the Village People to sing “YMCA” instead

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO―A federal judge declared that the NSA’s big data surveillance program is unconstitutional.   In the holiday spirit, the judge issued his ruling as a Christmas jingle sung to the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” You better not phone.   You better not tweet.    Even when you’re alone

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO―China has landed a rover on the moon. It immediately opened a restaurant and a bank to extend credit to whatever countries try to settle the moon.  Then it started building a factory for Walmart.  The shuttle with robot workers manufactured by Apple will arrive next month. * Sixteen year-old Ethan

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO―The budget deal forged by Paul Ryan of Wisconsin and Patty Murray will end extensions of unemployment insurance for 1.3 million Americans.  Since the current Congress s has passed fewer bills than any of its postwar predecessors, some deficit hawks have suggested docking the salary of its members because they haven’t

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO―As happens this time annually, conservatives are decrying the secular war on Christmas.  Having Christmas designated a national holiday, having a national Christmas tree, and having the media flooded with Christmas advertisements and messages from Thanksgiving until December 25th does constitute a war, but it is being waged against people who

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO―Benjamin Netanyahu had an audience with Pope Francis this week and gave him an autographed copy of his father’s book on the Spanish Inquisition.  This has sparked a new fad among world leaders.  The Japanese Prime Minister sent Present Obama John Hersey’s Hiroshima.  The Dalai Lama brought a copy of his