Joel H. Cohen

I like to imagine President Trump being so eager to implement his latest “incredible” idea that he’s been giving it attention equal to what he’s granted two other favorite initiatives. The new project involves his making personal calls to rabbis across the country and urging them to resume live religious services immediately in order to begin to “make Judaism great again.” (Satire by Joel H. Cohen0

It may seem to be gastronomic heresy to invoke a communications system  named for a taboo leavened-bread item during Pesach. But this one is legit and  kosher any time. It’s “bageling, a usually subtle —  sometimes not-so-subtle — device by which a Jew discreetly but deliberately finds out whether another is Jewish, and how an individual lets others know that he or she is Jewish. [Joel H Cohen]

The imaginary seder planned by President Trunp won’t take place, even virtually, until later this week, but it already has received one rave review — from the president. “Remarkable, incredible,” he tweeted about his creation. “There’s never been anything like it,’ and then he added, “I can promise you, crooked Hillary or Obama never had anything close to this.” [Satire by Joel H. Cohen]

Imagine that President Trump’s latest great idea —  host a seder this Passover for family, friends and political associates at Mar-a-Lago — had come to fruition. Here, along with some pre-seder innovations he intended to introduce are some features he considered: [Satire column by Joel H. Cohen]

In times of crisis, especially one of the magnitude we’re currently experiencing, Jews naturally take their religious questions and concerns to their rabbi. They might also consider another resource: President Trump President Trump!!? Yes. [Just Kidding column by Joel H. Cohen]

If President Trump at Mar-a-Lago on Sunday night had a gathering for Purim, it would been a party “the likes of which has never been seen before.”  Following is how we imagine the news media might have covered the event: [Satire by Joel H. Cohen]

President Trump has been so impressed by the popularity and taste of hamantashen (the three-cornered pastry based on the hat worn by Haman, the Jew-hating Persian bad guy of yesteryear), that he’s contracted with a national bakers organization to produce pastries in his own image. [Satire by Joel H. Cohen]

No one I know attended the recent Stephen Miller-Katie Waldman wedding at the Trump International Hotel in Washington, D.C., but, from all accounts, it was definitely an affair to remember.   I can just picture it. [Satire by Joel H. Cohen]

Some little-known but fascinating facts about Queen Esther have come to light in time for this year’s celebration of Purim.. Documents spanning centuries, just released by SHLEP (the Shushan Historical and Literary Esther Project), highlight such revelations as the Jewish heroine’s role in the queenly wave … the discovery of a widely popular synthetic fabric… sure-fire advice for older women seeking marriage, and much more. [Joel H. Cohen]

The patient entering the office of renowned psychiatrist Dr. Emmet Ghenausen was supposed to be anonymous, but his orange hair and gruff demeanor was a dead giveaway. Still, they agreed to refer to the patient by a pseudonym, in case their session was being secretly recorded. “So, Mr. Rump,” the therapist began. “What brings you here?” [Satire by Joel H. Cohen]

Upset that he’d been impeached, President Trump was having trouble falling asleep one recent night. So his daughter Ivanka and son-in-law Jared were reading bedtime stories to him to help him relax. When nothing seemed to be working, they turned to reading him principles of Judaism, and one had him fully engaged. It was the Tikkun Olam precept, the requirement that, while the world is innately good, every person should strive to repair or improve it. [Satire by Joel H. Cohen]

President Trump gets many of his self-described “brilliant” ideas from surprising sources. Even the name of a pasta dish. A recent example: A White House chef was reading the president a list of possible holiday dinner dishes when he mentioned pasta putanesca. In Trump’s hearing, it was pasta “PUTIN-esca,” and his mind made a giant leap. “What a great idea,” he told himself. “Have a dinner honoring my favorite dictator, I mean strong leader — well, maybe second favorite – and make this the main dish at the event. [Satire by Joel H. Cohen]